Winter Blahs & Big Behaviors: A Guide to Getting Through the Dark Months

By Jenn Rinaldi, M.Ed., J.D.

February 2026

If your house feels louder, messier, and more explosive once winter settles in, you are not imagining it. Cold, dark, snowy months mean less movement, less sunlight, disrupted routines, and way more time together indoors. For kids with ADHD/Executive Function challenges, it is the perfect storm. And for parents? It is exhausting. Energy is low. Patience is thin. Everyone has a case of the blahs. The challenging behaviors that seemed manageable in the Fall suddenly feel unmanageable.

Here is the compassionate truth I share with every family I coach:
Winter does not cause challenging behavior, but it certainly amplifies it. And if we don’t respond intentionally, those behaviors do not fade… they grow. 

So how do we respond?

Consider the “4 C’s”: Calm, Curiosity, Connection, and Collaboration.

These are not soft, permissive parenting ideas. They are tools that help you lead with clarity instead of reactivity and to work with your child to build the skills they need to be successful.

CALM: Regulate First, Solve Later

When meltdowns spike during Winter months, it is often due to less sun, too much sedentary time indoors and disrupted routines (snow days/holidays). We are also depleted as parents.  

No amount of logic or consequences will work if you are dysregulated too.

Remember, your calm is your power.

Pause before responding, lower your voice instead of raising it and say less – because lectures never work. For example: “I can see this is really hard. I’m here. We’ll figure it out when our bodies are calmer.”

CURIOSITY: Behavior Is Communication, Not Disrespect

Winter meltdowns, bedtime battles and homework refusal are rarely about “not listening.” Generally, something is getting in the way of meeting your expectation or you child’s skills have not developed enough to meet the demand in the moment.  

Get curious before you correct. 

Ask yourself: “Is my child tired, hungry, overstimulated, or under-moved?” or “Is the task too long, too boring, or too unclear?” or “Is Winter removing the outlets that usually help them regulate?” You can even ask your child: “Help me understand what’s making this hard right now.”

Curiosity shifts you out of punishment mode and into problem-solving mode, which is where real change can begin to happen.

 

CONNECTION: Relationship Before Compliance

When kids feel disconnected, behaviors escalate. Connection is not a reward for good behavior. It is a prerequisite for it. Here are a few simple ideas: a short walk outside – yes, even in the cold; a shared snack with no agenda; sitting next to them during homework – you can even be doing work/family planning; watching a favorite show together; and laughing together at something silly.

 

COLLABORATION: Work With Your Child, Not Against Them

If you are constantly enforcing rules on your child instead of with them, Winter will wear everyone down. Collaboration builds buy-in and teaches executive skills. Skills like problem-solving, perspective -taking, empathy, communication, emotional regulation and resiliency.

For meltdowns, wait until the storm has passed. Then get curious about what may trigger the meltdowns and what skills your child may be struggling with. Then, collaborate: “Next time this happens, what could help your body calm faster?” Talk about what helps you and model that for your child.

For those homework battles, instead of “Just sit down and do it.” Try talking with your child about what is getting in the way or what is making it hard to start. Body doubling, breaking homework into short chunks, asking what would make it easier to start and offering structured choices (ex., “do you want music or quiet?” or “Math or writing first?”) are also some helpful tips. Remember though, your explanation guides your intervention and then your ultimate collaboration with your child.

 

Change is Hard – Progress, Not Perfection

If we do not change how we respond, the behaviors will get bigger. Winter will not magically pass and fix things. Kids do not “grow out” of dysregulation. They grow into patterns that get reinforced.

This work takes effort. It takes slowing down, practicing regulation, and being consistent even when you are tired. Especially when you are tired. The payoff is huge though. Imagine less explosions, fewer battles, less resentment and more cooperation in your home. Even better, imagine the confident, independent and resilient individual your child is becoming with your support!

Winter is hard, but it can also be a season of growth - one calm, curious, connected, collaborative moment at a time.

If you would like to learn more about these strategies or talk about a more individualized approach for your family system, reach out – I would love to work with you.

Kids Do Well If They Can - Rethinking Challenging Behaviors

By Jenn Rinaldi, M.Ed., J.D.

January 2026

 

In our community we pride ourselves on opportunity. We have strong schools, a multitude of programs, enrichment activities, and of course, dedicated parents. And yet, behind many closed doors, families are struggling with daily meltdowns, explosive arguments, school refusal, chronic procrastination, or teens who seem unmotivated and defiant despite every advantage. 

If you have ever thought, “They know better—why won’t they just do better?” - well, you are not alone.

However, I challenge you to consider the following: what if the behaviors you are seeing are not about unwillingness at all? This question sits at the heart of a powerful concept developed by child psychologist Dr. Ross Greene: “Kids do well if they can.” When paired with the decades of research from the recently retired Dr. Russell Barkley on ADHD and executive functioning, this simple statement can radically change how we understand and respond to challenging behaviors.

 

When Behaviors Provide Clues

Simply put, kids do not choose to struggle. If a child could meet the expectations and demands placed on them, they would. And when a child/teen cannot meet these demands or expectations it is because something is getting in the way. And what is typically getting in the way are lagging skills, not a lack of motivation or character.

Those lagging skills are executive function skills such as impulse control, emotional regulation, attention, time management, organization, flexible thinking, processing speed and working memory. Executive functions skills develop more slowly in kids with ADHD and related challenges. What does this look like?

In practical terms, it means your child may:

*Understand the rules but struggle to follow them in the moment
*Want to do homework but feel overwhelmed starting or sustaining effort

*Know how to behave but melt down when emotions run high
*Appear lazy or oppositional when they are just stuck 

From the outside to parents, educators, and peers, these behaviors can look intentional. From the inside, the child or teen likely feels confused, frustrated, and defeated – maybe even a disappointment.

 

Why Traditional Discipline Often Fails

Many of the parenting strategies we grew up with including consequences, lectures, and removal of privileges assume that children have the skills to meet expectations but are choosing not to use them.

For kids with executive function challenges, this assumption completely misses the mark. Punishment does not teach missing skills. In fact, it often escalates stress, erodes trust, negatively impacts the parent-child relationship and impacts self-confidence.

 

Shifting Our Perspective

Instead of asking: “How do I make this stop?” Try asking: “What’s getting in the way?”

This shift moves us from power struggles to problem-solving. From shame and blame to curiosity and connection. From reacting to collaborating.

When we view behavior as a signal of unmet needs or lagging skills, we can:

*Identify specific executive function challenges
*Adjust expectations temporarily while skills develop
*Teach strategies explicitly instead of assuming kids will figure it out

*Work with kids and teens, not against them

This does not mean lowering standards or avoiding accountability but rather recognizing that accountability must be developmentally appropriate and skill-based to be effective.

 

What Kids (and Teens) Need from Us

I often remind families that when managing challenging behaviors:

*Our calm is our power

*Emotional regulation comes before reasoning

*Connection comes before correction

When parents shift from “You should know better” to “Let’s figure this out together,” something remarkable happens: 

*Kids feel safer admitting what is hard
*Teens become more willing to engage
*Conflict decreases because no one is trying to “win” the power struggle, and

*Skills grow because they are being taught and practiced rather than demanded

And yes, this approach does work for teens. Your teen may look capable on the outside, but their executive function development may be lagging. Expecting adult-level self-management from a developing brain is a recipe for frustration for everyone involved.

 

Hope Backed by Science

“Kids do well if they can” is not just a catchy slogan—it is a call to align our parenting with neuroscience, compassion, and reality. It invites us to stop asking why our children will not behave and start asking how we can help them build the skills they are missing to set them up for success.

Because when kids can do well - they do.

 

If you are interested in learning more or working together, please reach out at jennifercrinaldi@gmail.com or (914) 262 1575.

A New Year, A Kinder Plan: Setting Kids and Teens with ADHD/EF Challenges Up for Real Success in 2026

By Jenn Rinaldi

January 2026

 

As the calendar turns to a new year, many parents feel a familiar mix of hope and pressure.

This is the year we’ll be more organized.
This is the year mornings won’t be a battle.
This is the year my child will finally “use their potential.”

 If you are parenting a child or teen with ADHD and executive function challenges, I want to gently pause that narrative because success for your child does not come from trying harder, being stricter, or expecting sudden maturity on January 1st.

Real success comes from supporting the brain they have, not the one we wish they had.

As an ADHD/Executive Function Parent Coach, here is what I encourage families to focus on as they head into a new year.

 

Start with the Brain, Not the Behavior

Executive function skills - like planning, time management, emotional regulation, task initiation, and working memory - develop up to 30% later in kids and teens with ADHD. This is not a motivation issue or a character flaw. It is neurological.

So instead of asking:

  • “Why won’t they just do it?”

  • “They know better.”

Try reframing to:

  • “What skill is still developing?”

  • “What support would make this easier?”

  • When we respond to lagging skills with structure instead of shame, kids and teens feel safer and safety is what allows growth.

 

Trade In Those New Year Resolutions for Systems

Many families start the year with goals like:

  • Be more responsible

  • Get better grades

  • Be more organized

The problem? These aren’t actionable for an ADHD brain.

Instead, focus on systems:

  • A consistent homework start time (even if homework doesn’t happen perfectly)

  • A visual morning routine posted where everyone can see it

  • A weekly family reset to clean backpacks, charge devices, and preview the week 

Systems reduce the mental load. When the environment does the remembering, your child doesn’t have to.

 

Build External Structure Without Guilt

Kids and teens with ADHD often need:

  • Reminders

  • Checklists

  • Visual Cues

  • Adult Scaffolding

 This does not mean you are enabling them or setting them up to fail later. It means you are acting as their “external executive function” while their internal skills are still under construction.

Support now leads to independence later.

If something isn’t working, ask: “How can I make this easier to start, not harder to avoid?”

Focus on Progress, Not Perfection

Perfectionism and ADHD often go hand in hand – and guess what - it can stop kids from even trying.

This year, shift the family culture toward:

  •  Effort over outcome

  • Improvement over comparison

  • Learning over punishment 

 Celebrate:

  • Starting before being reminded (even once!)

  • Turning something in late instead of not at all

  • Using a strategy - even if it did not fully work yet 

Progress is often quiet, so remember to look closely.

 

Teach Skills Explicitly - Don’t Assume They’ll “Pick Them Up”

Many kids and teens with EF challenges need direct instruction in:

  • Breaking tasks into steps

  • Estimating time

  • Planning ahead

  • Managing big emotions

 These are learned skills, but they are rarely taught clearly.

 So, think of it like teaching math:
You would not hand your child an algebra test without lessons and practice. Executive function deserves the same patience and instruction.

 

Regulate First, Then Redirect

When emotions run high - meltdowns, shutdowns, refusals – their brain is “offline” and logic will not land for your kiddo. 

Connection comes before correction.

Help your child or teen feel calm and understood first. Then, once they are regulated, you can problem-solve together:

  • “What felt hard about that?”

  • “What could we try next time?”

Kids do better when they feel better—not when they fear consequences.

 

Make the New Year About Support, Not Pressure

The most powerful predictor of success for kids with ADHD isn’t stricter rules or higher expectations.

It is feeling understood, supported, and believed in.

This year, let the message be:

  • “You’re not broken.”

  • “Your brain works differently.”

  • “We’ll figure this out together.”

That is the foundation for confidence, resilience, and long-term success.

If you are feeling tired, frustrated, or worried about the year ahead—you are not failing. Parenting kids with ADHD and executive function challenges is demanding, even on the best days.

Be gentle with yourself too.

You don’t need a perfect plan.
You need a flexible one.
And you don’t have to do it alone.

If you want to learn more or are seeking some additional support, I got you! I am currently offering virtual parent coaching session and virtual parent group workshops. My next virtual parent group workshop begins on January 6 at 7pm. Check in out at www.jcrcoaching.com. Registration for this workshop will close on January 4 at midnight.

If this one doesn’t work for you, no worries. Just contact me and/or sign up for my monthly newsletter, so that you can receive the most up to date information on tips and strategies as well as my upcoming workshops.

Setting Your Kiddo Up for Success During the Holidays

By: Jenn Rinaldi

December 2025

The holidays can be wonderful—and also overwhelming. Endless events, long shopping days, family gatherings, late bedtimes, long car rides, holiday meals, to-do lists that never seem to end… It’s an overstimulating stretch for many kids, and honestly, for us as parents too.

So how do we support our children—especially our neurodivergent kiddos—so they can thrive during this exciting but demanding season?

Here are a few quick, parent coach approved tips:

1. Make Sure Your Kiddo Is ResponsABLE

What does that mean?

Traditional advice often assumes that “kids do well if they want to.” But for neurodiverse children—especially those with ADHD or executive function challenges—it is far more accurate and compassionate to say: “Kids do well if they can.”

Before setting an expectation, ask yourself:

Is my child actually able to meet this expectation given their skills, sensory needs, and the circumstances?

For example:
Is it reasonable to expect your child to sit through an hour-long holiday meal after a long, overstimulating car ride? Maybe… maybe not.

If not, try adjusting the expectation to something they can do—like sitting for fifteen minutes with a small fidget tool. You might also plan for movement breaks between arriving and sitting down for dinner. Or even pack a bag of activities with your kiddo that they can pull out when adults are talking and finishing dinner. These small shifts can make a world of difference in setting your child up for success.

 

2. Set Clear, Concrete Expectations

Saying “You better behave at Grandma’s” on the way to dinner isn’t a clear expectation—especially for a child with ADHD or executive function challenges.

What does “behave” actually mean? Their definition may not match yours.

Instead, be specific and make sure the expectation is something they can reasonably meet.

Examples might include:

  • “When we arrive, give Grandma a kiss or a wave and say hello.”

  • “Use calm hands and feet with your siblings.”

  • “When you’re finished eating, ask to be excused and put your plate on the counter.”

Clarity helps reduce anxiety, improves follow-through, and sets both you and your child up for a smoother holiday experience.

 

3. Be Calm. And Give Yourself & Your Child Grace.

Emotional regulation is hard for everyone, but it is especially challenging when we are overstimulated, overtired, or running on holiday stress.

And remember: kids rely heavily on our emotional cues to regulate theirs.

Take a moment to identify situations that tend to overwhelm you or your child during the holidays. Then, during a calm, low-stress time, brainstorm together:

What tools help you calm down? What helps your child? What can you both do when things start to feel “too big”?

Share your own strategies and model them: deep breathing, stepping outside, stretching, taking a break in a quiet room—whatever genuinely helps you reset.

And even with preparation, there will still be challenging moments. That’s normal. When those moments happen, offer both yourself and your child grace. If you’re trying, learning, and showing up with intention, then you’re already doing an amazing job.

 

Wishing you and your family a calm, connected holiday season—complete with all the imperfect, beautiful moments in between.

 

If you’d like to learn more about these tools or my coaching work including the Calm & Connected Parent Workshop, which begins in January, reach out at jennifercrinaldi@gmail.com.